Chosen
by madsthenerdygirl
Summary: For once, he was actually good enough.


**Title: Chosen**

**Rating: Jensen Ackles + Misha Collins. You do the math.**

**Disclaimer: Oh, if only…**

**Summary: For once, he was actually good enough.**

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_You're not good enough_.

It was the mantra pounded into his head from early childhood, ever since he watched his home burn to the ground. John never said those words specifically, of course, but he didn't need to. Dean got the message.

The rest of the world did a pretty good job of hammering in the message. Just in case Dean wasn't smart enough to get it the first time – which, for the record, he fucking was. But then, the rest of the world didn't care. To the world, he was nothing but a high-school dropout, the charming loser at the end of the bar.

Hell, even when he was Michael's chosen vessel, the angels acted like he was far from their ideal candidate. He was just replacing his dad, after all, because he'd been the weak one. He'd broken first.

He'd tried to shake it off, the way men were supposed to do (according to the Gospel of All Things Manly, written by one John Winchester), but it was a little hard to do when he was constantly being told he was second best, he didn't make the cut, he wasn't chosen, he wasn't accepted. He wasn't anybody's friend – not really. He wasn't anybody's boyfriend, not since Cassie. He'd never won any prizes, or gotten first place. As for praise… forget it.

Everything came with a 'but' attached to it, like a legal disclaimer on a package.

_You burned the corpse, Dean, but…_

_You're a nice guy, Dean, but…_

_Look kid, you got potential, but…_

_This is good, but…_

Fuck the lot of them.

Even Sam – Sammy, his little brother, the kid he practically raised on his own – even Sam had given Dean up, abandoned him in favor of something else. Stanford, Ruby, Lucifer… Not even his own brother chose Dean.

And then along came Castiel.

Suddenly, into Dean's life there popped this person, this _being_ that despite having all of Heaven's power at his disposal, looked at Dean like he was something valuable. Even back when he'd been a hypocritical, cowardly, juiced-up machine he'd treated Dean like… like Dean was something special.

As Cas became more human – in spirit, not just in form – the more he looked at Dean like that. And when he'd shoved Dean against a wall, shouting that he'd rebelled and killed and betrayed, it wasn't just the extent of Castiel's actions that had shocked him.

It had been that Cas had done all of it for _Dean Winchester_.

Nobody, nobody in his life, had done anything close to that for him. Cas would hate it if he'd known, but it was part of the reason Dean had tried to tamp down his attraction to the guy. Cas had literally done everything possible; he'd given up his life, his home, his beliefs, his family, and thrown every bit of himself into Dean's cause, and now Dean wanted more from him? Dean simply couldn't justify the desire. Cas was an angel, and a virgin, but above all he had sacrificed everything. Dean couldn't ask Cas for more, not after all of that.

But then Cas had Fallen, and decided that one of them was going to have to grow some balls, and it might as well be him.

It wasn't the most finessed of first kisses, but damn if Cas's enthusiasm hadn't made up for any inexperience.

Even now that he had it, Dean could hardly believe it. Here was someone who had gone above and beyond to prove that Dean was worth it. It was as if Cas had looked into Dean's past and seen the pain there, the pattern of rejection and second place, and gone the extra mile to make up for a lifetime of feeling _not good enough_.

Thankfully, Dean was just selfish enough to keep Cas close, despite knowing he didn't deserve him. Here was someone who when he kissed Dean, did it with his whole body, gripping Dean so tightly that the hunter liked to joke he was getting new handprints all over his arms. Here was someone who had a look of blissful shock on their face after each round of (enthusiastic) sex, like it was their first time all over again. Here was someone who when he woke up looked at Dean with wonder and amazement, blue eyes liquid and shining, like he was the honored one and not Dean.

Here was someone who chose Dean, again and again and again, no matter what.

A part of Dean was scared shitless. Another part of him was bitterly waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Cas to wise up and dump his sorry ass. But more and more of him was starting to consider the possibility that what Cas thought with such blind faith was actually true: that Dean Winchester was good enough.

Cas rarely said the actual words, but it was there. It was in every kiss pressed to sweat-slick, heaving skin as they twisted around each other on the bed. It was in every blinding smile as he handed Dean a cup of coffee in the morning. It was in the pale, fearful blue eyes after Dean nearly got himself ripped in half by a Wendigo.

It was stamped out in the handprint on his shoulder.

As much as the voices of his past tried to refute it, the evidence was there. An ancient being, once full of power and Heavenly purity, an experienced soldier with better things to do than align himself with a deadbeat hunter with Daddy issues, had thrown away everything for Dean. He'd chosen Dean every time no matter how long the odds or how high the stakes.

He made Dean feel loved, whether it was in bed or in watching a stupid action film on the projector. He made Dean feel special. He made Dean feel worthy.

He had chosen Dean.

For better or for worse – and please, let it be the former – Cas believed that Dean was good enough.

And with every heated kiss, every hunting trip, every moment together, Dean was starting to believe it, too.

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**Seriously, think about it. What character has done more for Dean than Castiel? And what character has done more for Castiel than Dean? I just… *sigh* I love these boys more than is healthy.**


End file.
